Both of you make sense
Two people are standing in a kitchen. One of them asked a question twenty minutes ago and never got an answer. The other one genuinely does not remember being asked.
Person A now has a theory: I am not a priority. Person B now has a theory: I am being accused of something I did not do. Both theories are reasonable. Both are built out of real evidence. Both are wrong, and they will keep being wrong for years, because neither one has access to the mechanism.
Behavior is not architecture
The reason this happens is that similar behavior comes out of radically different internal systems, and behavior is the only part you can see.
"Did not answer the question" can be a working memory that dropped the request before it finished arriving. It can be a queue that was already full. It can be an answer that got composed silently and never made it to speech. It can also, of course, be genuine indifference. From the outside, all four look identical.
So you pick. Everyone picks. And most people pick the interpretation that fits the story they already have.
The reframe is the intervention
Here is what I have watched happen, repeatedly, when the mechanism finally gets named out loud: nothing about the behavior changes, and the relationship recalibrates anyway.
Because "they don't do that on purpose" is not a consolation prize. It is actionable information. It tells you the problem is a routing problem, not a values problem, and routing problems have workarounds. Values problems do not.
That is the whole motion of this notebook, and of the book behind it. Somebody builds the wrong story about a behavior. The real architecture gets named. The relationship reorganizes around what is actually there.
What this is not
It is not a diagnostic tool, and I am not a doctor. It is not a list of tips. There will be no "just set an alarm" here, because if alarms worked, we would all be done.
And it does not take a side. I am not writing the version where the neurodivergent person is a misunderstood genius and everyone else needs to accommodate them harder. The person on the other side of the collision is also operating on incomplete information, in good faith, with real grievances. They get the same courtesy.
Both of you make sense. That is the part nobody tells you.